Operation “Black” Friday, a story of evil

By: John Richards Posted: November 23, 2012 No Comments

Well here it is, yes, another “Black” Friday. The day people fill their day with that Christmas spirit by screaming at each other, running like a heard of bulls and if you’re really lucky, seeing a few people (extra lucky when it’s women) beating the daylights out of each other. But I digress.

Why is it that this is called “Black” Friday? Sure, those evil money grubbing Republicans would have us believe it’s the day when merchants finally turn a profit for the year. But we all know that’s a big obese lie. If they were honest they’d call it “Green” Friday. And besides that if this so-called “Black” Friday were truly the first day retailers made a profit for the year then why would they bother to be open all the other days of the year. Answer me that! Just think of how profitable they could be if they were only open this one day.

No, there must be something far more insidious going on here. Could it be that “Black” Friday is really just one in a long line of secret republican code words referring to black people? Is there some secret motivation behind the poorly worded and ambiguous term “Black Friday”? Could all this be some devious plot to try to gather thousands of black people at locations nationwide, in a highly competitive atmosphere and fairly confined area, to see the chaos that ensues when they find out they only have one iPad for $29.99?

This “Black” Friday code word is far, far more than some evil, cruel practical joke. I say it now for all to hear. And please excuse the fact I have no proof but when it comes to an issue as sensitive and inflammatory as we’re seeing here no proof is necessary. But hey, if no proof was good enough for the Barack Obama campaign its good enough for me. This is a Republican plot! This is nothing short of, gasp, genocide! Republicans, George Bush and Karl Rove included, are responsible for the riots, fights and carnage sure to ensue. And let’s not forget Mitt Romney’s culpability in this deadly melee. After all he invested in and help grow Staples where they sell staplers right next to the, shudder, staples and Home Depot where you can find ridiculously low priced cordless drills, fully charged as reported by reliable sources, right next to the drill bits. Rumors abound that he is actually the ringleader of what is known amongst rich, greedy conservatives as “Operation Black Friday”. Why it’s like handing someone a loaded Glock 40… with the safety off! If this doesn’t prove “Black” Friday is nothing but a code word for genocide you haven’t been watching MSNBC and CNN enough.

And just where is the lame stream media in all this? Where are the reports? The investigations? The insane rants?  Where’s Chris Matthews, Rachel Maddow, Ed Schultz and Wolf Blitzen… er, um… Blitzer? As reported by various police agencies they’re currently residing in drunk tanks nursing massive hangovers precipitated by all day benders at the thought of Americans celebrating and reflecting upon the founding of a great nation. Of course we all know Candy Crowley is still chowing down the last of her leftovers in honor of her very special day, “Gravy” Friday, so she’s excused. But the real blame should be laid at the feet of Media Matters, that is if we could find their feet. Seems they turned this in to a four day holiday leaving the newsreaders at these two networks scriptless (that’s not a typo, I just invented a new word).  Meanwhile the janitor at CNN is trying to find their 20 year old apartheid special to rerun whilst his counterpart at MSNBC is looking for an old tape of “Lock up – Kmart Raw”.

As for me, I’m sitting out the madness of this “Black” Friday. I want no part of some evil conservative plot and am tucked away safely at home in front of the TV anxiously awaiting the latest on the Thanksgiving Day fight between Halle Berry’s ex and her fiancé-du-jour. You know, something sensible, something important.

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