Words with Eric Holder – Full “Combat” Droning Edition

By: John Richards Posted: March 8, 2013 No Comments

Time for another fun game of Words with Friends, or more accurately Words with Eric Holder – Full “Combat” Droning Edition. I don’t think he really has any friends, Obama only puts up with him because he tells him what he wants to hear.

Only Holder could pen a letter of three sentences that leads to pages of questions. So here’s what he wrote in response to Senator Rand Paul asking for clarity on droning American citizens:

It has come to my attention that you have now asked an additional question: “Does the president have the authority to use a weaponized drone to kill an American not engaged in combat on American soil?” The answer to that question is no.

Forget who Holder says Obama can’t drone into the hereafter. The real issue is who he can. And that’s basically anyone who is not an American, or anyone, Americans included, involved in combat against this great country of Obama’s.

This definition is more all encompassing than that of an organization I once belonged to, the Polish Racing Drivers of America. Their very stringent requirements dictated you had to be, a) a Polish racing driver or, b) a non-Polish racing driver or, c) a Polish non-racing driver or, d) a non-Polish non-racing driver. I personally fell into the non-Polish racing driver category, but I digress.

You get the drift, anyone can be droned. But you have to hand it to Eric Holder. How many lawyers do you know who can be snarky, open up two major loopholes big enough to fly a Predator drone through, and do it all in just three sentences?

He doesn’t say we won’t drone non-citizens on our soil. And since drone attacks can be on the messy side they produce this phenomenon called “collateral damage”. That’s why, generally speaking, prison executions in this country are quite specific as evidenced by the fact that a prisoner awaiting the firing squad isn’t in a crowd when the shooting starts or why we use an “electric chair” and not an “electric sofa”.

Let’s say I want to buy the best ham money can buy. That means a trip to the Dearborn Ham Company in Dearborn, Michigan, which now is also known as “Dearbornistan”. Don’t you just love the irony? The best hams come from Dearbornistan. And let’s also say while I’m walking out of their store a car containing the evil terror mastermind, Hassan bin Sobar, is pulling up to the curb when, out of nowhere and before I can utter that two word sentence that starts with “Oh”, a Hellfire missile strikes pay dirt, and me too!

Now back to Words with Eric. Remember? That’s what this was all about.

The words are “engaged in combat”. That means an enemy trying to do our country harm, right? Well, not exactly. It doesn’t define “combat” and doesn’t mention in combat with who, does it? With any other president we could take these words at face value. But this one? Not so much. Recall the “promises” he made to the Catholic Church regarding Obamacare? You see my point.

A look at the Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines combat as:

  1. a fight or contest between individuals or groups
  2. conflict, controversy
  3. active fighting in a war

 

Notice “active fighting in a war” is at the bottom of the definition list? Yep, me too.

According to Merriam-Webster we could drone anyone who could be referred to as a combatant. Boxers, basketball teams, football teams, you name it. They’ve all been in “combat”. (Settle down Redskins’ fans. The NFL has declared FedExField a drone-free zone. Your guys will just have to win on their own.)

Then there’s conflict and controversy. By simply writing this I could be considered to be in combat with the Obama Administration. Come to think of it maybe I should have that ham delivered, don’t want to make their getting rid of me any easier or less obvious.

And now for a purely fictional scenario to demonstrate the “active fighting in a war” definition.

Assume that some way, somehow, Americans elected the single most inept, corrupt president not only in the history of the country, but the history of the universe. And further suppose this president actually hated what this country stands for, its’ success, its’ wealth and its’ power. His sole mission was to bring the country down to third world status.

While we’re at it let’s give this fictional president a name, Kcarab Amabo. I know it’s a funny name but rumor has it he was born in some third world country named “Aynek” and wasn’t even eligible to run, but managed to get elected by promising everything to everybody. Then, and I know this couldn’t happen here, he got reelected. He did that by pitting everyone against each other, classes, races, nationalities, ideologies, dogs versus cats. It was shameful and yet enough people fell for it.

Finally one day, with only three months until we could elect a real president, his evil plan came to fruition and the country’s financial system collapsed. The banks failed and closed. Factories closed. People, well people other than the friends President Amabo had made rich, lost their homes and apartments. And what did Amabo do to quell the uproar he created? He preached for even more class warfare and envy. Riots and mayhem spread across the land. People were even fighting one another just for a cup of rat soup.

And then it happened. President Amabo declared martial law and cancelled the elections citing the unrest while he continued to vilify the rich. At that point an opposition group that had worked to bring sanity to the country’s budget once before, and had originally named themselves after a beverage, reformed under a new name, the “Eat Party”. Which really made a lot of sense with all the starving people, well that and the fact they wanted to roast Chris Matthews who was on the last remaining television channel 24/7.

So off they marched to Washington D.C. to take back the White house, the “People’s House”. And President Amabo deemed them to be “in active combat in a war”. Eric Holder happily agreed adding “Even if you’re wrong I’m not going to prosecute you.” And the fictional president Amabo droned the Eat Party and then they were all dead.

And don’t even get me started on this “weaponized” drone distinction of Holder’s. If someone flies a Global Hawk surveillance drone into you it’s going to leave you with substantially more than your run of the mill owie.

Comments

So what's on your mind?





  • Quick Bytes

    • You may already be a winner!
      Dear NSA, I received an email from the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes this morning, I won! In my excitement I deleted the email in error and must respond to them by tonight. Can you please send me a copy? ×0

    • Just Google it!
      I guess I still don't know why the NSA needs Prism when Obama's got Eric Schmidt and Google.
      ×0

    • Meanwhile, back on Walton’s mountain
      Good Night Mary Ellen. Good Night Jim Bob. Good Night John Boy. Good Night NSA Jo.
      ×0

    • The all new and improved DOJ
      The DOJ Inspector General is expected to find there was nothing inappropriate or illegal with the James Rosen search warrant, the IG does recommend however that the DOJ name be changed to "Department of Domestic Overreach" or "DODO". ×0

    • Eric Holder’s iTunes download
      Eric Holder's theme song for the day: 'One is the Loneliest Number'
      ×0

    • Suggestions for Holder’s “Ask Eric” party
      Eric Holder should really consider an open bar and free pizza to lure more news organizations to his big pow wow. If that doesn't work he could always call it his "retirement party". ×0

    • A rainy Rose Garden
      I'm not at all surprised that Obama didn't hold his own umbrella in the Rose Garden, but I'm astonished it wasn't a golf umbrella. ×0

    • Fiscal restraint through writer’s cramp
      My new plan to get the government from printing more worthless money: Pass a law requiring treasury secretary Jack Lew to personally sign each new bill... Legibly. ×0

    • Obama’s pressers greatest lines
      Obama on Jason Collins' coming out: "... still 7 foot tall and can bang with Shaq and ya know, deliver a hard foul..." Words which will live in infamy. ×0

    • New Tom Brokaw book
      Tom Brokaw's next book title: "The Dumbest Generation Ever - My Autobiography" ×0

  • Categories